Men will be Mean !

Incident no. 1
I had an asthma attack so I had to visit a doctor. My usual doctor was not available so my mother took me to another doctor with qualifications of MBBS, MD. (Who appears young)

Me:  ( Explains detailed symptoms history since childhood, corticosteroids used previously in treatment)
Doctor : Are you a medical student ?
Me: I'm studying veterinary
Doctor : पण Veterinary ला मुली असतात का?
Me: (sarcastic smile)
Suddenly, my mother(afraid of what I would speak) intervened and explained how the number of girl students was more in my class as compared to boys.

Incident no. 2
I am at a tapri having tea, (a senior who has failed twice in first year and studies in same class as mine)happens to be there.
Senior : So, What are you planning after graduation?
Me: Post graduation in a clinical subject
Senior : You better choose medicine, because then you can easily just prescribe medicine and sit idle. Surgery and gynaecology are not for girls.
Me : *sarcastic smile* (thinking about what special organs men possess that they use to perform surgeries)
Suddenly, he offers to pay for my tea and leaves

Incident no. 3
Time: 10 pm
Place : Reading Room

Watchman : 10 वाजले मॅडम
Me : पण library 24 तास सुरू असते ना?
Watchman : तुमच्यासाठी नाही, फक्त मुलांसाठी
Me : निघते थोड्या वेळात
(Watchman leaves) ..
Boy : झाला असेल अभ्यास, तू निघ आता
Me : (still sitting there)
Boy : (staring at me)
Me: Any problem sir?
Boy: Its none of my business, i don't care, but you know mulini  velevar ghari gela pahije, kahi hot nahi pan jar kahi zalach tar? Tyapeksha lavkar gelela bara na?
Me: Thank you so much, i will call u after reaching home safely (packs my bag making loudest possible noise, pulls back chair while making noise stamps my feet till I reach the door and disturbs everyone on purpose)
Me: (does not talk to my parents properly on phone because my mood is off , and is unable to sleep because an insignificant boy shut my mouth with his stupid shit talk)

Incident no:4
We are travelling together in a heterogenous group of girls and boys. We are in a different city for official purpose.
That time I had made a new friend and had gone to meet him.
Mr.Xyz : Where have you been? You shouldnt roam like this, we all are travelling together and your responsibility is mine so being a girl you should not behave like this.
Few days later,
Mr xyz : I have made arrangements for the boys to travel, you make arrangements for the girls (leaves comfortably in a car while we travel in a bus, one of us is down with fever, other has motion sickness and one of us is on fast)
Where did your "Man-power", and responsibility go now?

****************************************************
My dear friends, I am not posting this to belittle anyone.
These are all true incidents. This is the reason why we need "feminism" which I think should simply be called "common sense". But people have problem with that too. Just say the word and they think you are some "man hating" woman having a boycut and dresses up like man. They make memes and jokes on feminism, they think it's funny.Trust me, its not funny. All the time I go through all this It has a toll on my mental health.

I am a happy woman, I celebrate my womanness, but I hate being reminded about it all the time. I hate being treated as if I am not a human being capable of taking my own decisions,that too by those people who mean nothing to me.

My Article in The hitavada

What's In a SUR-Name?

“What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

― William Shakespeare (Romeo and Juliet)\

Well, Mr Shakespeare I think you are wrong. Name defines a person's unique Identity. It is a part of one's personality that makes a person who he is.

Once I was travelling by bus when I met a woman. Since it was a 3hr journey and my nature of mixing with strangers prompted me, I started a conversation with her. The first question she asked me was 

"Whats your surname"

I answered her question.Suddenly she started looking at me with suspicion. She immediately asked me

"So you belong to ***** caste ?"

I regretted the fact that I myself had made the stupidity of starting the conversation with that lady. But she appeared well educated from her looks. I have had this experience several times with different people, but for a stranger that question seemed to be a bit odd for me. Narrow minded people can be found anywhere in India. Even my father has the same hobby,of guessing caste's accurately from surname. I pretended that I had not heard her second question and started listening to songs putting on my earphones. 

I always wonder why we write our Surnames. What do surnames mean? They have been just passed from generation to generation without any particular reason. How have they evolved? Nobody can answer these questions. 

I also came to know about people who did not like their surnames like "fakte", "daruwalla" etc and how they changed their surnames.

A teenager from USA has changed his name to "Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combine"

At the same time I was fascinated by names like A.P.J Abdul Kalam, M. C Mary Kom and P. T Usha.

 I came to know that some people write the name of their native village in front of their names. In short, everyone had their own "funda" of name.

 I read an article by an author named "Manaswini Lata Ravindra". She said that it would be better if we write our parents name instead of surnames. In this way we can acknowledge them as well as get rid of surnames whose meaning we don't even know. I realised that whatever she had written was indeed the truth. We use our father's name as middle name. But what about our mother? She is the one who has taken deep pains for us. Why not acknowledge her? Your existence is because of her. Hence her name must be present. Hence the name "Sanjay Leela Bhansali".

Thereafter I changed my name to S.N.T Kalyani. Although not officially, but its a small beginning I guess. 

 

Be a MAN

           Born and brought up in a middle class family his values and principles never deceived him, Sushil was aware of his responsibilities towards his family. After the sad demise of his father due to heart attack, he was the only breadwinner. His family consisted solely of his Mother and his twin sister, Supriya. Working in an IT firm as engineer in Pune, he was also supporting Supriya who was studying medicine in Mumbai.           

Empty beer bottles, wafer packets, chakhna, cigarette butts were scattered all around. It was Ravi's apartment, always meant to be that way, always available on weekends for partying with friends. Ravi raised his last peg and Vishal, Saurav, Subodh, Vivek joined. Sushil was sitting aloof.

 "Come on dude, its the last peg, join us," Said the red eyed Ravi.
          
 "No,Ravi,Thanks, you know I dont drink" said Sushil thinking of his Mother who would recognise the smell instantly.

 "Oooh, Mumma's boy doesn't drink" Subodh said in a funny mode.

" Mumma's boy avoids girlsss" Ridiculed Vivek.

"No re,He can satisfy himself." Chuckled Saurav

And they all started laughing uncontrollably, being completely drunk. Talking about girls after drinking was a ritual which they all followed. Sometimes, they would narrate the stories of their "first time". And again they started comparing with each other how many girls they had "scored". Vivek said that his score was highest since he had hooked up with five different girls.

This was not the first time his friends were teasing him. He ignored them every time they were drunk. Being 24 yrs old his virginity was a topic of fun for all his friends who considered themselves masters. But this was too much.He grabbed his bike keys and went off.

He stopped at the nearby tapri to have tea. Roadside Tea was his favorite "drink". In his busy schedule from office he would take time everyday to take a brisk walk to the nearby tapri and have tea. This would give him a little bit of time to think about himself and freshen him up. 

He saw a man having a cigarette and He started thinking....

Remembering how he had a cigarette for the first time in 10th, how his father had caught him and given a lecture, "Do what is right for you"

I have experienced everything. 
Tried everything and then decided what I want
Why not THIS. Why not SEX
Just as an experience? 
Just ONCE?
Just to know how it FEELS like?

Other mind said, No, ITS WRONG

His deep thoughts were disturbed suddenly as his phone vibrated.
It was a text message from Jessica saying "Hiiii". Jessica was his colleague. She had once openly admitted her crush on Sushil in an office party. Since then Sushil had avoiding her. Jessica was attractive, smart and talented. But not someone who would be in Sushil's life so he was keeping a distance from her.

He smiled seeing at their conversation in messenger. She had previously sent him around ten "Hiii"s one after another. He hadn't replied to a single "Hiiii"

This time he did, Heyy Jessica, whatsup
And the story began.............

At home during dinner, Sushil was engrossed in his own thoughts, smiling to himself he was texting Jessica.

"Have your dinner peacefully, keep that phone away" Scowled mother.

"OK, OK" he said. 

Thoughts of Jessica were still haunting his mind.He couldn't sleep whole night.

Next Morning he was getting ready for office, he wore a nice blue shirt, one of his favorites,paired with black trousers, took more time to get ready and made sure he smelled awesome. He was singing some song he didn't even know.

In the office, he was bumping into Jessica every now and then, knowingly or unknowingly, he had started noticing her too much.

When they were leaving,
"Looking awesome" he said looking at her from top to bottom.

She was wearing a perfect white blouse and black pencil skirt paired with high heels. The length of her skirt was a subject of controversy, oh well.

"You too," She winked at him,"Would you like to join me for dinner at my apartment tonight, my room mate is away so I am all alone." She added.

"Sure" He said, he was quite surprised, but didn't show it at all. Things were moving too quick, he thought. But that's what I wanted right? He reminded himself.

"Be there at nine then, byee" She said smiling.

"Okay,I'll be there, byee" He said smiling back.

He came home with a joy. Quickly took shower. If things go just as planned tonight, He would no longer be a virgin, the more he thought about it, more excited he would get, more he would think of Jessica. He got ready quickly.

He looked at the wall clock,Shit, It's almost 8.30. Move quickly

"Aai, i'll be late tonight, don't wait" he shouted o his mother while wearing his shoes.

 ****************************************************************

 Sushil remembered Jessica's apartment very well. He had once gone there to drop her. She had insisted him to come upstairs for coffee, but he had refused.But today he was having dinner with her. Her apartment was indeed well kept. Not a trace of dust anywhere. The walls were painted sky blue and the interior was complete with bright coloured curtains. 

"The Chicken is awesome. I didn't know about your culinary skills," Said Sushil.

" You don't know a lot about me. Here, have more chicken" She served.

"NO,NO I am full" He burped.

After dinner they both settled on the couch, sitting next to each other watching television. Talking casually. She was randomly surfing the channels and stopped on mtv, her favorite song was playing
"
Pehli nazar mein
Kaisa jaado kar diya
Tera ban baitha hai
Mera jiya
Jaane kya hoga
Kya hoga kya pata
Is pal ko milke
Aa jee le zara

Mein hoon yahan
Tu hai yahan
Meri bahon mein aa
Aa bhi ja
O jaan-e-jaan
Dono jahan
Meri bahon mein aa
Bhool Ja aa


  It was indeed the song of the mood. They were now holding hands,looking into each others eyes, they came closer to each other. Only eyes were speaking their feelings. A strong force was driving them together. 
"Let's dance, its a nice song" She said

She took his left hand and guided it to her waist while holding his right hand.
They were now moving with the rhythm, beautifully. They could not stop gawking at each other.
 The song was about to finish, she tilted her head a little to the right, closed her eyes waiting to be kissed. He was right there, looking at her. And suddenly he felt something, something wrong. What was he doing? He was about to kiss someone whom he was not committed to. At that instant he felt guilt rushing through his body. He pushed Jessica and ran at full speed towards the door.

" Wha.. what happened.." She asked being confused

But he had already reached the door. He ran away with full speed down the stairs. His heart was beating so fast, he could hardly breathe. He was grateful to God several times for enlightening him at the right moment. He rushed to his bike and went back home.

*****************************************************************

At home, as soon as Sushil entered, he saw his mother who looked worried.

"What happened Aai?" He asked.

"I was about to call you. I just got a call from Supriya's hostel warden. She is not back to hostel yet. Its 11.30 now and her phone is switched off " She said thinking of her daughter..

 

Be a Good Listener

People these days tend to forget that we have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

Like seriously,

When a person speaks, he is more likely to be interrupted by others who are trying to outsmart him. Most likely those who are trying to prove their superiority over the person who is speaking. This is the worst thing you can do. 

The tendency of listening to others is decreasing. I dont blame it on generation. Nobody is willing to listen. Everyone wants to teach. Whenever you attend a college lecture students are sleeping, others are busy on whatsapp, daydreaming, playing footsie and whatnot. Only a few sincere students are willing to listen (of course it depends on the teacher's way of teaching). 

Sometimes Women just want someone to whom they can tell everything. Just a person who would listen. Who would listen carefully to their problems, give a shoulder to lean on without any silly solutions. Such person is rare to find. Either people have no time to listen or they are busy talking.

 Listening is the key portion of communication. It tells us more about the person. It makes us humble, kind enough to value others opinion. Yes, there may be conflicts but a gentleman(and a woman) would allow others to put their point forward without interrupting. Only a person with lack of confidence, insecure, afraid to lose his value would not let others speak.

Being a good listener is the quality everyone must possess. It helps us in all walks of life. Teaches us new things. When we are not talking, we also utilize other senses we have, we observe the world more closely with our eyes, see things that would have gone unnoticed. Listen to most peculiar sounds carefully. We also take time to think and analyze the situation.

So what are you willing to be called, a blabbering snob or beautiful person.

Hope you know why we have two ears and one mouth now ;P

 

LOVE ME LIKE YOU DO

(THIS STORY IS NOT REAL. PURE IMAGINATION)

We all heaved a sigh of relief when Professor Shinde finally took his retirement from college. Nobody liked him. Although his knowledge was incomparable, his strictness and love for discipline made everyone uncomfortable. Even the toppers hesitated to ask him any doubts because if someone dared to ask him a silly question he would only shake his head or “cough” in reply. He always said to us being post graduate students he expects us to know everything. But  we all expected that whoever replaced him would be better. Our group was the coolest gang in the college. 

And the next day in class we were gossiping as usual and suddenly a tall, dark and handsome guy entered. He couldn’t go unnoticed. All of us were staring him. There was a hullabaloo in the entire class.

“New guy in the middle of the sem?” 

“Maybe he’s someone’s bro.”

With confidence, patience and his hands folded, he stood there for entire two minutes. Finally our discussion came to an end without any conclusion and we kept silent.

“So it seems that students these days have no manners. Anyways, Good morning everyone, I’m Prakash Rao. Hereafter I will be teaching you Physics. I would like to know your names. Let’s start from here.” He said pointing towards Neha who was sitting on first bench.

The next 30 minutes passed effortlessly. The bell rang. And we started talking again.

“OMG he’s soooo young. Can’t believe he’s our teacher”

“ And handsome too.”

While everyone was busy praising him, Neha didn’t speak a word. He appeared strangely familiar to her although she was sure they had never met before.

As days passed,we all became comfortable with Prakash sir. In practicals he would come running to us to solve our doubts. He made sure every student understood what he was teaching. 

Somehow one thing caught everyone's eye. We came to a realization that Rao sir talked a lot with Neha as compared to others. He would ask her more questions and she would answer. While teaching he would look at her every now and then reading her face.He would linger around her everytime. We had even started teasing her by his name. Neha was irritated by all this. She started avoiding him. The most sincere girl had started missing his lectures. Even if she would attend the lecture she would sit at the last bench just staring at the blackboard.

The other day she looked worried,rather upset. We asked her if anything was wrong. She said in a low voice

"Yesterday I went to the library. He was there. I tried to avoid him.But he asked me if I was free today and he would like to have a coffee with me.I really don't know what to do" 

We teased her even more till she blushed. Oh come on Neha, its just a coffee, you must go. Maybe he likes you. There's nothing wrong in a cuppa coffee. Call him now, we handed over her cellphone. She called him, we giggled and abandoned her pretending she was going to speak something very private. Someone even said best luck. 

We were curious to know what happened so we asked Neha the next day. 

"It was really nice meeting him. He is very decent man."

Things became normal after one cup of coffee. She was now attending her lectures regularly. She had stopped avoiding him. Perhaps they were meeting on weekends.

One day we were sitting in the canteen. She looked confused. We asked her if there was some problem. 

"I don't know what to do. He asked me If I could be his friend. His Family lives at Assam. He has a wife and a daughter. He said he likes me and just wanted to be my friend as he feels lonely here."

There was a lot of debate after she said this. But we finally agreed to one thing. Yes we all need a emotional support when we are alone. He only asked you to be a friend. He needs you Neha, and he is a good man. You can be friends. Friendship never killed someone. She followed our advice.

She looked happier than ever. Her life was now full of joy. She would talk to him a lot discuss every little problem she had right from the colour of her nailpolish to choosing the right career path, he had solution to every problem she had and would never mind her silly talks. She was a good friend too. An understanding and caring girl every man aspires. Their friendship had flourished.A true friendship without a trace of lust.

One day he asked her out for dinner. It was no more awkward as they were now good friends. But somehow she felt this dinner was going to be special. After the dinner when they were about to leave he said,

"I don't know how to say this to you, being a married man. I really love you Neha. I love you a lot. I got married when I was 21. Since then there has been only a burden of responsibilities and not love. My wife has a very small world she is completely satisfied when I send her my monthly salary. There is no compassion in my life. I feel neglected. But when I met you, everything changed. I became more passionate in my life. I love you Neha and I know you will never love me back. And it is okay if you don't. Just let me love you because you give me strength to survive." 

She came back to hostel with mixed feelings.It was a big shock for us when we came to know about everything.And then what did you say? We asked her.
"I didn't say anything. He had answered his own question."
Days passed so quickly. We gave our annual exam waiting for the results. Some girls had started bridegroom hunting. We were now standing at the crossroads of our life, we were about to take most important decisions of life, life partner, career. The carefree college life was about to finish. Neha's parents too had found a suitable bridegroom for her. And then we recieved her marriage invitation, so did Prakash sir.

Results came. We had passed with flying colours. Neha had scored the highest marks in university. But she was crying, crying loudly. 

"Did he do something to you?"
We will teach him a lesson, Lets call our Amravati friends.
What happened tell us. Did he break your marriage?????"
She was still crying and then she said that she wanted to meet him. Boys knew where he stayed as a paying guest. We went together to his place. Fortunately we found him. He was about to leave with his bags. He was not surprised to see us standing at the door. 

"So congratulations all of you on completing post graduation. Neha what are you doing here you'r supposed to get married in a few days, right?" He said in a casual way.
"And where are you going with your bags packed, sir?"
"I have left this job. I am going back to my hometown." he said avoiding her eye.

                  She had tears in her eyes. But she finally spoke, being her last chance to speak.

" And what about me? You loved me unconditionally. Did you ever ask me about my feelings? I really love you a lot and I want you in my life. Whenever my parents found a groom for me, I always unknowingly compared him with you. Nobody had qualities like you. And my fiance? He doesn't even care about me. He looks upon me as a woman. Not a human being. You cannot end everything like this. I need you, sir"

We all became silent. It was an intense moment. He answered,

"I knew. That is why I am leaving. We cannot be so selfish Neha. Think about yourself practically. You are young and talented. We are in love but I am not the right person for you. Don't get carried away in emotions. Think carefully. Your fiance is the right guy for you. Give him some time, he will understand you. He is your true soulmate."

"You are right, Sir." She wiped her tears.
 So did we.

Home remedies.

Remember that concoction your grandma gave you for your cough? With simple ingredients from your kitchen there is remedy for every ailment.

Colds,Coughs and nasal congestion

• Make one cup of black tea instead of sugar, add one tablespoon of honey,juice of ginger roots, and half a lemon.Both ginger and honey have excellent antioxidant properties. Lemon juice is rich in vitamin C which helps in fighting with the cold and boosts the immune system.
• Honey mixed with crushed tulsi leaves is another effective remedy for coughs and common cold. Tulsi's beneficial compounds,phytochemicals have antioxidant, antiviral,antibacterial and immunity enhancing properties.
• Amla is rich in vitamin C. The juice of one amla everyday helps to build strong immunity against infections. Hence amla is also the main ingredient of chyawanprash.
• Turmeric too helps to relive symptoms of common cold. Add a teaspoon of turmeric powder to one cup of milk and boil for a few minutes. Drink this hot brew twice daily.
• To get rid of nasal congestion steam inhalation is a good way. Steam thins the mucous and helps to get the stuff out of the respiratory system. Adding a few drops of vicks vaporub to the water is also helpful.

Skin Care and Acne

• Our skin is often clogged with dust, pollution and make up, so proper care is required for a healthy skin.Wash your face with lukewarm water to open the pores and allow cleansing.After that splash some cold water to close the pores.
• For a beautiful and nourished skin,Milk and curd can be applied. Lactic acid present in milk has anti ageing properties that aids the shedding of dead skin cells and helps hydrate the skin for a rejuvenated look. A cold milk compress also helps cool the skin immediately after any sunburn.(milk products are however not useful for oily or acne prone skin)Substitute milk with freshly ground sandalwood paste or multani mitti(Fuller's earth),which is better suited for oily skin.
• Other good natural cleansing agents include besan(gram flour) and oatmeal.Make a smooth paste of either in water, gently apply on your skin and wash after 20 minutes.
• Cucumber juice is effective for dark circles around the eyes. Papaya, strawberry and grape pulp for toning your skin.
• For problems like smelly feet used teabags can be added to boiling water to prepare a decoction. Cool and soak your feet in it and repeat for seven- ten days.

Minor Sprains and aches

• If you suddenly find yourself stranded after a joint injury, muscle contusion or sprain try the R.I.C.E(Rest, Ice, Compression,Elevation) method of treatment. Ice packs and compression(by tying a tight bandage around the area) reduces swelling by decreasing blood flow to the injured area.An Ice pack is useful in first 24 to 48 hrs of an injury. Hot fomentation is also advised after this treatment. Apply hot water bag or towel dipped in warm water to the affected area.
• May it be long hours at the computer or a minor injury, back pain can make your life terrible. An effective home remedy can be made heating pure ghee with crushed garlic. Cool the mixture to room temperature and apply on the affected area. Garlic's anti-inflamatory property stimulates blood circulation and helps reduce pain.

Nausea and Acidity 

• Feeling queasy or burning sensation in your throat? Drinking a glass of lukewarm water to which a piece of jaggery is added curbs heartburn.
• A glass of cabbage/ green gourd juice is helpful in acidity due to their alkaline properties.
• In case of nausea chew ginger.

Oral Care

• In case of bleeding gums mix a pinch of common salt and baking soda and massage your gums with it.
• For bad breath, chewing some saunf(fennel seeds) after a meal is a good option. You can also chew some mint leaves instead.

Diabetes and cholesterol care

• A high fibre diet one that includes sprouts, pulp of fruits like orange, sweet lime, and raw salads are essential for lowering blood sugar level and cholesterol level.
• Fenugreek seeds also help check blood sugar level. Soak 10 gms of fenugreek seeds and have them in morning on an empty stomach.
• Chewing a clove of garlic first thing in the morning helps control cholesterol level.

A little advice

All these tips have been very useful to me and my family. However, home remedies have their own limits. They cannot tackle a major infection and cannot replace a visit to the clinic. Even if its just a runny nose and it still persists after trying a home remedy, its sure sign that you have to see the doctor.